Belief

I was walking through downtown from the library to TD Square to get something to eat, when a man about a quarter of a block ahead of me turns around, makes eye contact with me, stares me up and down, and keeps walking. I didn't think anything of it.

Since he was walking kind of slowly I quickly caught up with him, and was just about to pass him when he turned around so abruptly that I almost walked straight into him, and stared me in the face. He looked the same age as me, maybe a little older. He smiled and said, "Hi!"

I gave him a blank stare and said hi back, and tried to inch politely around him. But the lights on the other side of the street corner I was about to cross were already signalling a 'don't walk' sign.

Without missing a beat he asked me, "Have you ever heard of Jesus?"

"Uh... what?"

"Have you ever heard of Jesus?"

Restraining myself from rolling my eyes I smiled and said yes, in fact I had heard of him.

"Are you a Christian?" he asked.

I told him no, and in retrospect I probably shouldn't have laughed and grinned when I said it.

The light changed and I thanked God (or Buddha or something) and I crossed the street. I kept walking straight and he walked beside me. "You're heading this way? So am I, I'll walk with you," he said. "Do you mind if I tell you a story?"

"Go ahead," I said, now less annoyed and mildly interested.

"Well a couple years ago, I was on the street, I was into a whole bunch of stuff. Cocaine, heroine... I would puke my brains out every single morning. I used to steal from my mom and my friends, I was a horrible person. I mean, what kind of person steals from their mom? And then a little while later -"

"You found Jesus?" I interrupted cheerfully.

"Well, yeah."

"I've heard this story," I smiled at him.

I expected him to start ranting about how I should welcome Jesus into my life too if I didn't want to burn in hell, but he only looked amused.

He started talking to me about how he understood why the average person was so hostile towards Christians who preached their beliefs, because they so often present themselves as overbearing nutcases. He then said that by stopping me, a random person, on the street to talk about God, he probably seemed like he was borderline one himself. He went on to say that the only reason he had done that was because he felt such happiness and fulfillment in his life in the knowledge that he had purpose, and that he was going to heaven, and when he saw me he just wished that I would have that same happiness.

We walked for about three blocks just discussing faith and lack of faith. When he seemed confused at my explanation of why I didn't believe in God, I told him that I was just the kind of person that couldn't have faith in anything.

He said, "Sure you are! All you have to do is hear God speak to you and you can have faith."

"Well God doesn't speak to me," I laughed, "That's the problem."

His manner had been kind of humorous through our whole discussion, but at this point he said very seriously, "Have you ever really listened?"

I thought about that for a second. "No.. I guess I haven't."

He smiled brightly, and said "Listen."

"Maybe I'll try that."

Then he told me that he had to turn now, and he waved goodbye and walked away.

We hadn't even exchanged names.


I guess since the age of about 14 onward I had always looked at gung ho religious people, christians especially, with a sort of sympathetic tolerance. But the fact that they have somehow found, by digging through the dirt and grime of life, a way of seeing purpose and meaning in humanity where I can only see chaos, is a truly respectable thing, and it sort of makes me wonder who should be sympathetic to who.

They've found a way to be happy. In this sense, it almost doesn't even matter if they're delusional.